It wasn’t that long ago when I felt I had things together,
Moving gracefully and swiftly into the sunset.
An arrogant yet determined breeze at my back.
I was captain of the boat,
But now find myself shipwrecked.
Be careful what you wish for.
I am in over my head.
Drowning at sea without a lifeguard in sight.
I don’t even know how to swim.
Fleeting compliments seem like mere passports
Issued by others in order to ask for more.
What is more?
What is less?
I long for the island I left behind.
The familiarity of the palm trees.
The predictability of the tide.
The stability of the land.
They tell me not to be so hard on myself.
That I will learn with time.
But time is a shapeshifter,
Promising nothing more than an invisible net to catch fish that are not there.
Where was I sailing to?
Why was I going there?
I am lost at sea.
Rachel Taylor Geier holds a DMA in Flute Performance from the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities, an MM in Flute Performance from San Francisco State University, and a BM in Music Performance from DePauw University. Dr. Geier currently teaches and freelances in Davis, California.